Dear PS 107 Families,
In this week’s letter, I’d like to address a topic that we’ve all experienced in some way during our lives: bullying. The very word conjures up painful memories of our years in elementary, middle, and high school. Perhaps we’ve even experienced bullying as an adult, whether by a colleague, a supervisor, a neighbor, or someone else in our orbit.
First and foremost, I want to be clear that we do not tolerate bullying at PS 107. Once we are made aware of a situation that may constitute bullying, we investigate it thoroughly, address it with all of the children involved, connect with parents, and if appropriate, engage in restorative meetings to address the harm caused by the incident.
Next, it’s important to define bullying because it is something quite specific that more typical childhood conflict does not rise to. (See here for the difference between bullying and conflict.) Bullying includes behaviors that are repeated over a period of time. There is a pattern in which a particular child is deliberately targeted by another child. There must also be a perceived power imbalance, in which the bully has more perceived “power,” whether physical or social, that they use to control or harm the other child. Many, many students have experienced conflict with other children or other children being unkind to them, but this does not mean it is bullying. To be clear, we are not OK with children being unkind either, and we address it in very similar ways; however, children being unkind to one another or having conflicts is relatively typical behavior as they are learning about themselves and how to treat others in a community in a respectful manner. We believe that a big part of our jobs as educators is to teach children how to be kind and caring community members.
When, following an investigation, children are found to be the victim of bullying, we provide them with significant support, from counseling to ensuring that they are connected with a trusted adult at school with whom they feel comfortable sharing any additional incidents that may occur. Being the victim of bullying can have profoundly negative effects on children, and we know that connection with and support from their community is what helps to mitigate the impact.
We also approach the student who is in the role of bully from a place of compassion and empathy. While the behavior is not at all OK, we want to understand what causes it so that we can intervene. Research (and our own experience) demonstrates that children who bully lack prosocial skills, have low self-esteem, and may have experienced traumatic events. We all know the expression “hurt people, hurt people,” and that is certainly the case when it comes to bullying. As a result, we do not simply punish children who bully others. We also provide them with support, such as counseling. We also work to identify positive activities that they can become involved with at school so that they feel more connected to the community, building social skills and reducing the (usually unconscious) desire to cause harm. Punishment, which is designed to isolate children, may in fact lead to more aggressive behavior, rather than reducing it.
Finally, how do we address the third role in bullying — bystanders? Bystanders witness bullying, but don’t do anything to stop it. We work with all of our students, teaching them to be upstanders in the face of bullying. Even if children do not feel comfortable in the moment standing up to another child, we remind them that there is always an adult nearby who they can tell about the incident.
Unfortunately, conflict will always be a part of all of our lives. The way that we approach it can significantly reduce its impact and prevent it from rising to the level of bullying. At 107, we are teaching children to recognize the signs of bullying and to report it to an adult. We are also working hard to create a connected community and positive climate in our school that helps to prevent bullying in the first place. If you have concerns about a situation that you feel may be bullying, please reach out School Counselor Sarah Green or Social Worker Colleen Dondero to discuss it.
Last but not least, as you may have noticed, we’re experiencing the return of a familiar pest that we haven’t seen much of since the Covid-19 pandemic started: LICE! Social distancing seemed to keep head lice at bay — we had next to zero cases in the last few years — but since life has returned more or less to normal, lice have made a comeback as well, and we’ve had multiple cases reported over the course of the last two weeks. Prior to the pandemic, we had regular, schoolwide lice checks, and we’ll be resuming them this Monday. The Lady Bug Team will visit all classrooms on Monday. Please help the PTA pay for this valuable service by clicking here. Thank you to Nadia Benlarbi and the PTA Executive Board for making the Lady Bug visit happen so quickly.
Have a terrific week!
Warmly,
Ms Joanna
PS Many thanks to those of you who have donated bags of candy to us! Our staff greatly appreciates having a regularly full candy dish in our conference room. We are always looking to keep our stock of chocolate high to help staff get that sugar rush when they are flagging, so we welcome any additional donations of individually wrapped chocolate. Just drop them off in the main office. THANK YOU!